Broken Promises

November 11, 2009 by Rachel
Filed under All Posts, Featured, For The Unmarried, Thought Provokers

- Part I: The statistics

This article is meant to be read before you read the purity pledge we put together in January 2008. We encourage you to read it afterwards.

In today’s world, you’re shamed if you do, and shamed if you don’t. If you do remain sexually pure before marriage, “you’re probably one of those judgmental goody-goods, and a freak of nature with no hormones”. And if you don’t, let’s just say you’re going to have more than the “B word” label on your back. But most of the time, it’s harder on those that do. Sad isn’t it?

Consider this though – You’re not only pledging this merely for your sake, or your future husband’s sake only – but for God. He watches your every move 24/7 non-stop. Don’t think He’s going to just not pay any attention to your actions. This is painful to Him because He paid the price for your sins, yet, you’re not putting forth an effort to stop sinning and purify your lifestyle.

After researching this topic, we found some interesting statistics from different sources -

Some information found on Guttmacher.org gave some insight on statistics:

The statistics found that nearly 46% (half of all 15-19 year olds in the U.S.) have engaged in sexual activity at least once.

“Each year, almost 750,000 women aged 15-19 become pregnant. Overall, 75 pregnancies occur every year per 1,000 women aged 15-19; this rate has declined 36% since its peak in 1990.”

…And nearly a 3rd of all teen pregnancies end in abortion.

It went on to say that “Teen pregnancy rates are much higher in the United States than in many other developed countries-twice as high as in England and Wales or Canada, and eight times as high as in the Netherlands or Japan.”

In 1994, more than half of teenagers in the United States were virgins until at least 17 years old.

“-Nationally, nearly one million young women under age 20 become pregnant each year. That means close to 2800 teens get pregnant each day. (Facts in Brief: Teen Sex and Pregnancy, The Alan Guttmacher Institute, New York, 1996).

-Approximately 4 in 10 young women in the U.S. become pregnant at least once before turning 20 years old.( Facts in Brief: Teen Sex and Pregnancy, The Alan Guttmacher Institute, New York, 1996).

-Teen childbearing alone costs U.S. taxpayers nearly $7 billion annually for social services and lost tax revenues. (Kids Having Kids: Economic Costs and Social Consequences of Teen Pregnancy, Prebecca Maynard (ed.), The Urban Institute, Washington, DC, 1997).”

A more recent Guttmacher report said, “Teens are waiting longer to have sex than they did in the past. Some 13% of females and 15% of males aged 15-19 in 2002 had had sex before age 15, compared with 19% and 21%, respectively, in 1995.”

Could this decline be because of the purity pledge movement? We did more research to find out the effectiveness of purity pledges…

In one article we read, the Washington Post reported a study found that “premarital abstinence pledges were ineffective“. In 2001, Janet E. Rosenbaum concluded that 82% of people that pledged abstinence before marriage, broke those promises.

Theresa Tamkins of CNN Health reported,

“As many as one in eight teens in the United States may take a virginity pledge at some point, vowing to wait until they’re married before having sex. But do such pledges work? Are pledge takers more likely than other teens to delay sexual activity? A new study suggests that the answer is no. While teens who take virginity pledges do delay sexual activity until an average age of 21 (compared to about age 17 for the average American teen), the reason for the delay is more likely due to pledge takers’ religious background and conservative views — not the pledge itself.”

On the other hand, another article (from abpnews.com) reported that a study found that ” Christians who pledge abstinence outlast non-pledgers”.

The article also said -

Byron Weathersbee, interim chaplain at Baylor University in Waco, Texas, analyzed such sexual-purity pledges and sex education in a Christian context as the focus of his doctoral dissertation. He surveyed young married couples in Texas Baptist churches to examine how — and how much — churches made an impact on their sexual behavior. Of the young Christians surveyed, six out of 10 who made sexual purity pledges abstained from sexual intercourse until marriage. But only three of 10 who didn’t take a formal pledge remained chaste. All of the surveyed individuals — who had been married less than five years — professed faith in Christ. Of that figure, 99 percent attended church, 84 percent said they grew up in church and 87 percent grew up in a two-parent home. Even so, 62 percent of the males and 65 percent of the females engaged in sexual intercourse before marriage, Weathersbee discovered. Nine out of 10 who acknowledged sexual activity prior to marriage never took a True Love Waits purity pledge. “To a large degree, we’re missing it,” Weathersbee said. “The young people are receiving the data, but they’re not translating it into values that result in a lifestyle of purity and holiness.” The strength of the True Love Waits emphasis lies in the way it involves parents, a supportive network of peers, the church as a whole and the community at-large in emphasizing the importance of a pure lifestyle, Weathersbee said. The overall sexual abstinence movement — both faith-based and secular — clearly has reaped positive benefits, said Richard Ross, who pioneered the True Love Waits program in 1993. “The fact is rates of teenage sexual activity rose for 20 unbroken years. Then came True Love Waits and, from that, the broader abstinence movement. From that moment on, rates of teenage sex have dropped every year for 12 unbroken years,” he said.

While that is a more positive view of this issue, don’t forget about that 82%. Wake up call, anyone? I think so. Another article, “A Right Perspective: Purity pledges useless without support” (written by Marilyn Loeffel), from commercialappeal.com states:

Columnist Ellen Goodman recently wrote about the futility of abstinence-only education: “It turns out,” she said, that counting “‘virginity pledges’ … as proof that teens will abstain … is like counting New Year’s resolutions as proof that you lost 10 pounds.”

In a way, I agree. Signing a piece of paper at a religious teen rally is positive peer pressure. Such a promise isn’t worth the paper it is written on unless it is reinforced with support. I’ve attended emotional, hyped-up functions where teens are pressured to do what their friends are doing, sign a purity pledge, without seriously contemplating what they are promising. Often that flimsy pledge goes out the fogged-up window of the back seat of a car.

She later writes (in the same article)

When my oldest daughter was 16, she asked for a purity charm for her necklace. It was a key with an engraved heart. We gave it with our commitment to be there for her in every area of her life, not just to preach about chastity. We warned her of the influences that would try to chip away at her innocence. At her wedding, she presented her husband with her necklace and told him it was the key to her heart. Her younger sisters looked forward to getting their purity rings on their 16th birthdays. The ring is a constant reminder that they can give away their purity only once. They can be like other girls any time they choose to, but those other girls can never be virgins again. The purity rings and loving parenting worked for us. Tween recording stars the Jonas Brothers have taken a ribbing for wearing purity rings. Hollywood is licking its lips, anticipating that these young people will break the pledge. I hope the Jonas Brothers don’t turn out like the Spears sisters, but keep their pledge and remember how to blush.

The Jonas Brothers, shown here wearing their purity rings. Trend or lasting value? You decide.

The Jonas Brothers, shown here wearing their purity rings. Trend or lasting value? Time will only tell.

I have to say I agree with Marilyn Loeffel, and her perspective of the purity pledge issue – you have to mean it, you have to care about whether you truly want to make a pledge about this. Like all vows, you have to solemnly stand by what you commit to. Or, you’re a liar who doesn’t keep your word. It’s true, and there’s no going around that one. But what if you messed things up, and regret it? You’ve always got forgiveness from God, but you can’t just break promises, and have the mindset “Oh, I’ll ask forgiveness later, God loves me anyway”. Your faith without good works, is dead. (James 2:17.) Denise Jonas, the mom of the Jonas Brothers, had some interesting things to say about character in a July 2009 Good Housekeeping article.

“We wanted everyone to feel joy in the presence of our children,” Denise says. “To me, there’s nothing more frustrating than being around a child who’s annoying. We taught our kids proper manners.” Denise’s methods: consistency, boundaries, and constantly “reinforcing good conduct until it was behavior. Because they’re going to be adults a lot longer than they’re children.” “…Nor is Denise naïve about the temptations young rock stars face—even if the young rock stars in her family wear purity rings, symbols of a commitment to remain virgins until marriage. Denise says the boys never meant to be standard-bearers for the premarital-chastity cause; this was a private decision each made that has become very public. ‘They’ve been criticized for proclaiming things they never proclaimed,’ she says. ‘And what’s the criticism? They don’t want to go out there giving everyone an STD? What’s so terrible about that?’…..She’s realistic about the challenges…..’They are men. They have desires…But it’s just about growing up and learning what it means to be in a relationship.’” “The boys acknowledge that their mother can be painfully straightforward about the young women they bring home. ‘People always ask, ‘What’s a girls have to do to get your attention?’ says Joe. ‘She has to be good to Mom.’ And for her part, Denise tries to stick to just one non-negotiable quality for any future Jonas daughter-in-law: ‘She must sincerely and totally love my son!’” Denise and Kevin Jr. and the family go to church, they live a life of service, and spending time together. “Denise and Kevin Sr. also try to prepare their boys for deeper success—a loving marriage—by modeling good behavior…..What she does is constantly show her boys that ‘marriage isn’t 50/50.’ The rule she lives be: ‘Marriage is really giving 100 percent of yourself, and not expecting anything back.’ It is also about loving someone for the attributes that he has. ‘(My husband) is not the best about bringing home presents, but he’s selfless.’” Good Housekeeping, July 2009

Bristol Palin with Levi Johnston, during the Republican National Convention in 2008.

Bristol Palin, 18, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin’s daughter, launched an abstinence campaign a few months after her baby Tripp was born in Decemeber 2008. People have reportedly bashed her for these efforts, including her ex-fiance’ Levi Johnston, as he is quoted as saying in an interview,

“I don’t just think telling young kids, you can’t have sex, it’s not going to work. It’s not realistic…”

Ben Horowitz from the New Jersey Star-Ledger wrote a title column, “Bristol Palin Should Stop Promoting Abstinence“. Some people think that her supporting abstinence means she resents having a little baby to take care of. To me, it’s obvious that she does not want other unprepared and irresponsible teens to get pregnant and want an abortion, or face the trouble taking care of a baby with all the ridicule and hurt you can get from other people, even loved ones. (In her case she was blessed, as her parents supported her decision in keeping her baby.) She is being told by writers around the country to “stop trying to be a role model because you messed up” basically. Abstinence and saving yourself for marriage, the obviously “safer” way to go, is viewed as some sort of fairy tale to people, and somehow it’s “unrealistic”. Saving yourself from possible STDs, heartache, pain and shame is just “too impossible” for real teens to avoid… My question is, why is it that today, people think teens are incapable of keeping a promise? Will power goes a long way, but so many teens today throw it out the window. But why?

Part II: The root of the problem

I truly believe the answer can be found in spiritual weakness…accompanied by the feeling of a malnourishment of love and purpose, perhaps. If your spiritual side is strong, it will cater to your physical side. People forget how our spirituality is like life-support. When you cut yourself off from it, you lose an extra sense of morality and the ultimate power and love of God. When you lack the assurance of the love of God, you are more inclined to seek out other things in life to make you feel better. Sort of like a drug. You go to this drug, because your spiritual “life-support” isn’t taking the pain away because you’re not allowing it to be a real part of your life, the way it is intended to be. Let’s be honest. Teens today are depicted as unstable, insecure and “awkward” most of the time. Parents and even mentors of teens treat the entire adolescent stage as this sort of “disease” that will heal itself up if left alone. Either that or it’s like they have this alien living in their house and among them that will one day wake up as “one of them”. (An adult, that is.) Seriously, you might come across a few very mature teenagers,…