What About Dating?
“A woman’s heart should be so close to God that a man must seek God to find her’s.”
~~~~~
What about dating? That’s probably a question you are asking yourself as you wonder through the dozens of articles on this site – and don’t worry, it’s okay. We’re not going to tell you dating is a crime, and we’re not going to tell you that you’ve ruined your life if you have a boyfriend. Don’t worry, dating is okay!
“Okay?” you say. Yes, as long as it doesn’t steal your emotions away (which dating usually does) and as long as you don’t find your identity in it.
So many girls these days base who they are on the relationships they’re in – their identity is planted in something fleeting.
“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matthew 6:21. Need we say more?
As Christian girls, our purity is something that we should treasure, and guard. Many girls date because they feel a sense of security – but hey, we were created to have those desires! The thing is, most of the time that relationship could be ruined forever by one simple phone call, or one short sentence. That’s why it’s best that you think, and pray about whatever is going on in your heart before you act on it. Tip: If you are beginning to have feelings for someone, pray and don’t act on it for 6 months. Sometimes the things we feel are just emotions, and the emotions pass, and can be misleading. If the feelings aren’t from God they shouldn’t last long. Try it!
Giving God your purity, and handing everything we do over to Him is so important. Dating is not “bad”, but it can be if you take it and base who you are on it. I know this might seem a little harsh, but don’t totally trust that certain guy in your life when he says “I love you” until you have the wedding ring on your finger, because relationships can be ruined by 3 little “half-meant” words.
But think about this: Are you desperate to date because every other girl you know has a guy, or do you feel like you lack a loving relationship in your life? Are you attempting to prepare yourself for a long-term relationship, or eventually marriage? The dating system has some very important weak points. First, it is disguised, in an odd way, as an “experiment”. This can be a problem. When you’re trying something out for the first time, you’re vulnerable, and can take things too far. Second, concepts such as “breaking up” are poor examples of the way God intended relationships to be. Yes, you will come across some of the wrong guys, and it’s only right not to carry on something with someone who is lying and deceitful. Another thing to bear in mind is this, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” - 2 Corinthians 6:14. You might seriously be crazy about a guy who does not know the Lord. Or you want to reach out to him, and think the only way to do this is to be this guy’s girlfriend. The odds are, he might love you, and not give a wit to learn anything more about God. And if this relationship becomes a marriage – this eventually creates a terrible family atmosphere, especially for children. That verse is there to save you from heartbreak.
If you are putting yourself up to this, consider the fact that maturity and responsibility are important when getting yourself into a relationship. Thinking of a guy as some “experiment” is disrespectful. Though it can be hard and awkward at times, zeroing out your parents is unwise – keep them involved in some way. There are more stories than I can number about teens falling in love with people their parents don’t approve of, and the teens are always the ones that get the bitter end of it. Moral of that story is: Honor your father and mother. Just think of that as one of the commandments of dating…and remember that it’s the 5th commandment found in the Bible as well.
Just remember to not let those romantic emotions take over…love isn’t always an emotion, it’s a choice.
“But…The Notebook!” Yessssss, The Notebook. We all want a “Notebook” experience. Why do we want it? Because we’ve watched it, cried over it, dreamed about it – because we’re girls. But listen up real quick, if you allow yourself to be swept up by how the media portrays romance will you ever be satisfied with the imperfections of your future husband? Base your relationships on choices and not emotions. Emotions are usually always there (and they’re not bad!), but it’s all about God’s will. Remember that.
We do want to make it clear that we don’t disagree with the dating system entirely, but certain aspects in the system can lead to major concerns: how does dating affect you personally, physically, and spiritually? If your preference is dating, then remember that it should be handled with maturity, and patience, and a pure heart. Dating at a young age can clash with your purity and possibly make it seem less priceless in your eyes. (This portion is mainly for those girls dating at a young age, who sometimes, don’t see the value in love, or purity for that matter.) Dating is fine whenever you feel God is telling you you’re ready, and when you know what you’re doing when you go out somewhere with a guy. Dating should be taken seriously, but there are so many people who date in premature relationships, that they’re afraid to call it “the real thing”.
Girls change a lot between the ages of 13 and 17, and likes and dislikes change. That’s why it’s important to wait until you know what God is telling you in relationships.
When is it okay to date?
When you know your identity is in God, and you’re not pressured into a relationship (by the guy, your friends, society, etc). If your parents have rules, don’t break them. Be smart.
At the same time, it’s important to be young and enjoy it! There is nothing wrong with going to a prom with a guy you know, to have fun and dance – even if you don’t date. It’s not a sin to be young and have feelings for someone else, it’s completely natural. Know that, and don’t try to squelch your youth just because you’ve been told to “be pure”. Being pure is a state of mind and a conviction – if you are convicted, and convinced to stay pure, trust yourself. You can keep a promise if you believe and stand by that promise. Before you get excited about that, remember not to put yourself in bad situations that you can’t get out of…again, be smart. Be young, but don’t do anything you will regret!
Why date?
Are you desperate to date because every other girl you know has a guy, or do you feel like you lack a loving relationship in your life? Are you attempting to prepare yourself for a long-term relationship, or eventually marriage? The dating system has some very important weak points. First, it is disguised, in an odd way, as an “experiment”. This can be a problem. When you’re trying something out for the first time, you’re vulnerable, and can take things too far. Second, concepts such as “breaking up” are poor examples of the way God intended relationships to be. Yes, you will come across some of the wrong guys, and it’s only right not to carry on something with someone who is lying and deceitful. Another thing to bear in mind is this, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” - 2 Corinthians 6:14. You might seriously be crazy about a guy who does not know the Lord. Or you want to reach out to him, and think the only way to do this is to be this guy’s girlfriend. The odds are, he might love you, and not give a wit to learn anything more about God. And if this relationship becomes a marriage – this eventually creates a terrible family atmosphere, especially for children. That verse is there to save you from heartbreak.
If you are putting yourself up to this, consider the fact that maturity and responsibility are important when getting yourself into a relationship. Thinking of a guy as some “experiment” is disrespectful. Though it can be hard and awkward at times, zeroing out your parents is unwise – keep them involved in some way. There are more stories than I can number about teens falling in love with people their parents don’t approve of, and the teens are always the ones that get the bitter end of it. Moral of that story is: Honor your father and mother. Just think of that as one of the commandments of dating…and remember that it’s the 5th commandment found in the Bible as well.
A Letter to My Future Husband
By Priceless Purity member, Jaimie Fike
This is for all you girls. It’s a challenge. A challenge to not only stay pure, but to make strong, clear commitments. It’s a challenge to begin loving your husband even now, no matter what you age. I want to challenge you to write a letter to your future husband, and to hold nothing back. Write down what you want and what you are going to give. That way, you will have something tangible to be able to refer to when things get tough. You will be able to look at the letter and know that there is only one guy that that letter is meant for, and it will give you the strength to wait for him. I have done this, and would like to share it with all of you.
To the One:
Though I don’t know who you are yet, I feel compelled to put on paper what I fell in my heart. You see, I think about you constantly. Do I know you now? Do you think about me as much as I think about you? Have you made the same commitments to me, that I’ve made to you? These questions plague my heart. I pray that God gives you strength to stand against the temptations of this world. I know it’s hard, I struggle too. But because we struggle, that makes the reward that much sweeter in the end. I’ve promised myself, you and God that I will save myself for you. Not just physically, as so many do, but emotionally as well. I promise to not only save my body for you, but my heart and mind also.. On our wedding day, I don’t want my past relationships to cause all the “what-if’s” to run through my mind. I don’t want my tears wated on someone who isn’t you. I don’t want my heart attached to anyone but you. I can only pray that you’ve done the same.
I long for the day when God reveals you to me, my lover, my best friend, the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with. I pray for you daily, pray that He blesses you, pray that He uses you in a great and mighty way, pray that He gives you comfort and peace through difficult times. I pray for our future together, that it would forever be centered around Him. You see, our love must be of God and only of God, or it could never last, and I can’t bear the thought of our love not lasting. I pray that the day comes quickly when I can look into your eyes and know that you’re the one. the one I’ve longed for all my life. It gets harder everyday to wait, but thats what I’ll do.Wait.I won’t move ahead of God. I’ll wait for God, for you. Because I know that on that day, when I look into your eyes and say “I do”, all the years of waiting will be worth it. I also knwo that if you do the same for me, you’d be giving me the best wedding gift you could give, the thing you can only give away once. you’d be giving me yourself, all of yourself, and for that, I’ll forever be grateful.
ALL my love,
Your Future Wife
^ The above letter was written a few years ago by a girl named Jaimie Fike, a member and subscriber to our newsletter. It has been our most popularly searched portion on our site – and for good reasons too!
The other option
Courtship
Although if you ask any common person today they’d probably think it was some ritual done in the dark ages, courting is something becoming slowly popular in the Christian community today. It’s like dating, but focuses mainly on the marriage potential. It’s just another safe way of handling this issue that keeps the parents and family more involved. If you are interested in finding out more about courting, then we suggest you should pray and discuss with your parents about it. If you do not know much about courting, and would like to, then we suggest that you read up on it on the web, and in magazines and books. I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl by Josh Harris have been popularly recommended and convicting to several people we have talked about on this issue. Courting usually promotes you to form a good solid friendship with this guy who is so interested in you, which then slowly opens up into a very rich and romantic relationship.
On the other hand, you might be very interested in dating someone the “traditional way”, and are begging your parents to let you date: The fact is though, dating is a serious issue, not a merry-go-round ride. Like it or not, the entire purpose of dating has been to find a potential spouse, and while you’re probably not thinking about that, there’s no way of going around that one. Playing with your heart and someone else’s can have heartbreaking, damaging results.
Talk to your parents or a mentor about it – start dating or courting at the age your parents see suitable, and of course – trust in the Lord to guide you directly to that perfect man He has for you. He will do it.
Always let your parents know who you’re dating, and where you’re going – keeping your parents involved in these matters is very important, even though it can at times be a pain to you. Don’t feel ashamed to let your parents supervise your relationship – they’ve been there before, and they’re not going to ruin a true God-ordained relationship.
Abusive Boyfriend?
Never get in a relationship with a guy, no matter how much you like him, if he’s going to treat you wrong. You’re just going to have to make that “sacrifice”. If you’re having trouble with it, lift it all up to God. He’ll handle the matter well, but remember, you’re responsible for your own actions as well. If you are trying to cope with some guy that tries to take dominion over you, when he doesn’t have the right, do NOT submit to him. You honestly must know what you’re doing when you get involved in a relationship. It’s important, because your emotions, personality and lifestyle can be strained when you try to take it to the next level with some guy you just admire, and think you love. If you are not loved back in return, yet holding on to this relationship, it’s better to let this guy go his own way. Pray for him of course, but remember to not get too attached. A special attachment will be too hard to break off, and will cause people to be very depressed and broken afterwards.
Sometimes, you might risk anything to appeal to him – listening intently to him, laughing and encouraging him. (Only because you have given him a special, hidden place in your heart.) Just don’t give your heart away so eagerly.
The chances are, you’ll break up sooner or later, and it’ll be deja vu all over again.
So yes – if you are in a relationship with a guy that forces you to do things you know are wrong, and things you aren’t too sure of – don’t listen to him. This is when you need to cling to God, and enrich your relationship with your parents. You’ll have a long way to go until you’re REALLY ready to give your heart to a guy…So don’t even “practice” or “play around” with your heart. It’s DANGEROUS.
Plus, God gave us these special emotions not to waste, but to cherish and keep safely!
Remember, when things break down, go to the Lord. Pray fervently about it. Even though it may be hard, try talking things out with close friends and family. (Yeah, talk things out to your parents as well!)
Remember – until you’re married, you’re basically still under rule of your father. Even if you’re not still living in your parents’ house, you’re still under your parent’s wing of protection, so to speak. So when in doubt, go ahead and talk to them! And of course, always, ALWAYS talk to God. Don’t feel silly about it – He knows, He’ll hear, and He’ll heal. Trust us…!
Single and unsure?
You might even be the type of person who prefers to be single – and that’s totally fine. If you feel this way, because you’re uneasy or intimidated of the idea of getting married, or just really dislike the whole idea, then you need to get some understanding of the subject. But if God puts in your heart a special desire to be single your whole life, feel blessed – not cursed.
Naturally every girl or woman considers getting married at least at one point in their life – if you haven’t, don’t feel bad!
And if you’re single and WAITING…
No matter what age or stage in life – Waiting is rough, and in most cases, girls get too impatient. That’s when their lives become tainted, because of their selfish desires. But listen – this is a big decision, and if you make the wrong one, you’ll always be in regret – and as all of us know, regret is one thing that’s really hard to change. (Remember that you should never be “single and looking” – God does the looking for you, He only requires you to do the waiting.
The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord…
Remember this though, “There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.” – 1 Corinthians 7:34
At this time in your life, you are unmarried, and have no “strings attached” so to speak, to anybody. God does not want to see you fooling around aimlessly with your heart for your entire youth. Serve the Lord in the way He leads you!
Let’s hope you’re not sitting around thinking of ways to please your “boyfriend” when he has not entitled “authority” in your life. These years of your life are irreplaceable – do not waste what can be used! Use them well.
To the young teen girl -
If you’re a teen girl, you’ll be no doubtedly straining your emotions for this one guy that you feel drawn to, or are looking out for. If you spend your youth only looking for love and romance, you have a lot to lose:
You have to remember that one day you’ll never be able to return to your youth – you would have lived it out in vain, only in search of someone to love you, which God would eventually secure for you when He saw fit a time. Your days should not be spent in this way – constantly being afraid and searching for “the one” – which God had planned for you all along. One day you’ll probably be married, and you’ll only have to wonder what happened to your youth and how you managed to induce yourself to womanhood so soon.
Remember we’re always here…to talk, to discuss, to pray, to give you the best guidance we know. So talk to us!
Some girls jump on the dating bandwagon because they crave the attention a guy would offer them. You’ll find in most high schools the provocatively dressed teenage girl who seeks attention from guys, and guys only. 1 Corinthians 10:24 says